[Of course, Nona can tell. She can always tell, by the subtle shift in her posture, the ways her eyelids are weighted with exhaustion. And the way her heart beats, and her bones shift.
Lacus is an open book to her. But she thinks that the exhaustion and emotional wounds are secrets that Lacus doesn't want to acknowledge.]
Before I tell you... you have to promise to stay alive.
You see, the only person here I've told was Vergilius and he died very soon after, so I'll be very cross and upset with you if you follow in his footsteps.
And you also have to promise not to tell everyone... I don't think even Rapt0r or Ho-Oh know.
[ Only Vergilius, huh... Lacus understands more and more why the last trial was uniquely awful for the both of them, and why they couldn't have been there for each other for the duration of it. ]
I won't - I won't tell anyone, and I won't die here. Whatever happens, I'll be trying my hardest to survive and go home at the end of this. I promise it. That won't ever change.
[ She's got less power than a lot of people here. When it comes to mere physical comparison, Lacus knows she would be an easy target. And even so, accepting her death is in itself unacceptable. She has to live. ]
[The words are slow to move out of her throat, she doesn't know how to say it.
It should be easier now that she's said it once, right? She needs to tell everyone, including the people at Dodo House. She couldn't tell Palamedes and Pyrrha and Camilla and now she never will because she knows she'll never see them again.
[ That is certainly the option that crossed Lacus' mind first. The most simple, most straight-forward reason one would fear to not see their loved ones again. But everything here is so strange, all these worlds have such oddities in them that the easiest option had seemed far-fetched.
[Having said it, even for the second time, actually is a relief. And despite the bleak subject matter, she smiles, and seems deeply relieved. She's almost at peace.]
I don't know exactly. I'm sure Palamedes would have a Necromancer way of saying it, but he never knew.
This body isn't mine, you see. It's... rejecting me.
I've been dying for months. When I arrived I thought I maybe had a few more months. Now, I think I've got a week. Maybe two weeks.
[ Lacus can't say this makes any sense in the logic of her world, but intuitively, she understands how this could happen. How a body would reject a foreign presence, a soul it wasn't made for or shaped by.
'These eyes aren't mine,' Nona had said and she'd meant more than amnesia. Nona isn't like Mu la Flaga who has been brainwashed to be Neo Roanoke. She's something else entirely, smiling at her with a stranger's face.
It's an awkward angle, sitting the way they are, but Lacus bends over so she can pull Nona into a hug. ]
Nona... Is there nothing anybody can do? Not even the necromancers?
[Nona takes the hug, wrapping her arms around Lacus and squeezing gently. She smiles against her shoulder. It's not her face, not her lips, not her muscles, but it is her smile.
Whoever the body belonged to, she intuitively understands that they never smiled all that much. It's a shame. They must have been so beautiful. They were, after all, her first and only kiss, at those rare moments in which she was overpowered by feeling and leaned in to her reflection to kiss it.]
...No. There's nothing. Definitely not from here.
But it's okay, really. I'm okay with dying. I've had six whole months of being me, with a wonderful life and wonderful friends who love me, and I got to love, and pet Noodle, and feel the ocean on me. And I got to be your friend too.
I'm the luckiest girl in the world. It would be greedy to ask for more.
[ Six months. Suddenly it makes perfect sense that Nona had always seemed so young to Lacus despite being the exact same age. Six months. It's far too short.
Lacus' arms tighten around Nona, as if holding her could pass more life to her and keep her here. ]
I don't think it would be greedy. I think being Nona is a most wonderful thing for you to be and there would be nothing wrong at all with wanting more of it.
[ Nona deserves more life than this. Even if it's better for her to be at peace with the length of her existence, even if it's good that Nona is happy... Lacus at least wants her to know that she's allowed to wish for more, because she matters. ]
I'd like a lot more of it. So... let's make sure the rest of your weeks will make you even lucker, alright?
[She smiles, nuzzling her face into Lacus' shoulder. She can hear, from the beating of her heart, from the intensity of her breath, that she means it. And she can feel the grief. Hear it.
Nona's had a while to process death. She's been dying for half her life, after-all. But she thinks she can remember what it felt like when she realized she was living on borrowed time.]
...My friends love the person who this body belongs to. They love the person who my eyes belong to.
It's not fair for me to take them away.
But I do wish I could spend more time with you. And Crea, and The Lord of The Flies, and Xiao. And everyone else. And I wish I could see my... family... again.
[ Weighing love against love is an impossible task. The body's owner is loved, but so is Nona - for Lacus, who's only ever met Nona, it's unthinkable to say that Nona is worth less than this other person just because she came second. Nona is Nona, and she has a bright smile and an optimistic attitude and Lacus loves her earnestness.
It's not fair to take Nona away either.
But that lament won't make her feel any better. ]
We'll carry you with us. Long after you're gone, I'm going to look at dresses and imagine you wearing them. I'm going to carry you in my heart to show you all the sights I love and I'll introduce you to all my friends. I'll tell you about them until they can feel you like you're right there.
Some of my time will become your time. I'm sure it's the same for Crea and Beel and Xiao - there's a bit of Nona that will never leave us.
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no subject
Lacus is an open book to her. But she thinks that the exhaustion and emotional wounds are secrets that Lacus doesn't want to acknowledge.]
Before I tell you... you have to promise to stay alive.
You see, the only person here I've told was Vergilius and he died very soon after, so I'll be very cross and upset with you if you follow in his footsteps.
And you also have to promise not to tell everyone... I don't think even Rapt0r or Ho-Oh know.
no subject
I won't - I won't tell anyone, and I won't die here. Whatever happens, I'll be trying my hardest to survive and go home at the end of this. I promise it. That won't ever change.
[ She's got less power than a lot of people here. When it comes to mere physical comparison, Lacus knows she would be an easy target. And even so, accepting her death is in itself unacceptable. She has to live. ]
1/2
[The words are slow to move out of her throat, she doesn't know how to say it.
It should be easier now that she's said it once, right? She needs to tell everyone, including the people at Dodo House. She couldn't tell Palamedes and Pyrrha and Camilla and now she never will because she knows she'll never see them again.
She takes a deep breath...]
2/2
no subject
And still... ]
... what of?
no subject
I don't know exactly. I'm sure Palamedes would have a Necromancer way of saying it, but he never knew.
This body isn't mine, you see. It's... rejecting me.
I've been dying for months. When I arrived I thought I maybe had a few more months. Now, I think I've got a week. Maybe two weeks.
no subject
'These eyes aren't mine,' Nona had said and she'd meant more than amnesia. Nona isn't like Mu la Flaga who has been brainwashed to be Neo Roanoke. She's something else entirely, smiling at her with a stranger's face.
It's an awkward angle, sitting the way they are, but Lacus bends over so she can pull Nona into a hug. ]
Nona... Is there nothing anybody can do? Not even the necromancers?
no subject
Whoever the body belonged to, she intuitively understands that they never smiled all that much. It's a shame. They must have been so beautiful. They were, after all, her first and only kiss, at those rare moments in which she was overpowered by feeling and leaned in to her reflection to kiss it.]
...No. There's nothing. Definitely not from here.
But it's okay, really. I'm okay with dying. I've had six whole months of being me, with a wonderful life and wonderful friends who love me, and I got to love, and pet Noodle, and feel the ocean on me. And I got to be your friend too.
I'm the luckiest girl in the world. It would be greedy to ask for more.
no subject
Lacus' arms tighten around Nona, as if holding her could pass more life to her and keep her here. ]
I don't think it would be greedy. I think being Nona is a most wonderful thing for you to be and there would be nothing wrong at all with wanting more of it.
[ Nona deserves more life than this. Even if it's better for her to be at peace with the length of her existence, even if it's good that Nona is happy... Lacus at least wants her to know that she's allowed to wish for more, because she matters. ]
I'd like a lot more of it. So... let's make sure the rest of your weeks will make you even lucker, alright?
no subject
Nona's had a while to process death. She's been dying for half her life, after-all. But she thinks she can remember what it felt like when she realized she was living on borrowed time.]
...My friends love the person who this body belongs to. They love the person who my eyes belong to.
It's not fair for me to take them away.
But I do wish I could spend more time with you. And Crea, and The Lord of The Flies, and Xiao. And everyone else. And I wish I could see my... family... again.
no subject
It's not fair to take Nona away either.
But that lament won't make her feel any better. ]
We'll carry you with us. Long after you're gone, I'm going to look at dresses and imagine you wearing them. I'm going to carry you in my heart to show you all the sights I love and I'll introduce you to all my friends. I'll tell you about them until they can feel you like you're right there.
Some of my time will become your time. I'm sure it's the same for Crea and Beel and Xiao - there's a bit of Nona that will never leave us.